Friday, October 12, 2007

Lunch with Agent Zero

So I get a call from Agent Zero, he wants to get together for lunch. He's yapping about some conspiracy theory that he believes will interest me. I ignore him. I don't particularly want to have lunch with him. This jagoff is a chatterbox Fox Mulder with an annoying streak, but I have a frigtard Java developer in my ear about some completely asinine topic. He's on a soapbox about Spring, dependency injection, and some dude named Martin Fowler. Honestly, I don't know why this frigtard is talking about Spring in October and I'm beginning to having a "fowl" thought about "injecting" my pen into his eye.

I've had enough so I choose the lesser of two evils. I confirm lunch with Agent Zero. I serve frigtard Java developer a tall glass of shut-up juice and tell him, "If you or Martin touch my beloved Oracle database while I'm out to lunch I'm going to inject Martin's head in your ass".

So Agent Zero and I are having lunch at Chili's. This jagoff is happily shoving his Bacon Burger down his throat while he drones on and on about that Meteorite incident in Peru and Bush's plan for a permanent presidency. I can't even look at my Country-Fried Steak because I'm getting nauseous from listening to him so my mind wanders to keep from hurling. Larry Ellison's beard dances around in my head and a grin begins to show across my face, but two-dollar Fox Mulder brings me back to reality by finally getting to the point. He goes, "But the real conspiracy is this - What's your deal with the term, "frigtard Java Developer", Fake Jeff? All things Java start with a "J". It's JBoss. It's JDom. It's JBuilder. It's always "J" something bro. Where's the creativity, Fake Jeff? The truth is out there".

Ok, I'm confused...

He goes quiet and slips me a note underneath the table. It reads, "J-Tard = frigtard Java Developer".

Am I like, OMG!


I have a new found respect for Agent Zero. I'm no longer nauseous. I quickly pound down my Country-Fried Steak because I can't wait to get back to the office to slap some sense into the J-tard who probably messed up my beloved Oracle database.

The truth is out there.

Peace out...

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