Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Bad food! Bad code! Bad J-tard!

So I was happily having lunch by myself in the company cafeteria until J-tard decides to ruin the party and asked, "Mind if I join you for lunch?". So I'm thinking you're a J-tard, why do you think I wouldn't mind? Anyways, I 'm feeling less hostile than usually because we'll be exclusively using stored procedures for our next project (The thought of no J-tards touching my beloved database just makes me warm and fuzzy inside) so I'm allowing him to have lunch with me.

I finish off my lunch and I'm still hungry so I look over at J-tard and say, "Hey J-tard, I'm still hungry. Feed me." So I immediately grab some rice and some chicken off his plate. He pretends to be nice, "Uh, yeah sure, try some of it." J-tards are always kissing up to me because they know that everything Java is wrong and everything Oracle is godly, just like Larry. He's very godly, especially his beard. It looks so soft and smooth and yet so masculine and soooo Oracle databasy.

Anyways, I shovel some of J-tard's food into my mouth. Holy Jesus! It tastes like toe jam! I spit it out and stare at him. I don't blink. I'm pissed. I continue to stare at him. I still don't blink. I finally calm myself down by thinking about Larry's beard and say to him, "I cannot believe your food is as crappy as your Java code. You should really consider getting off your Gavin-Man-Crush and rewrite your Hibernate code into stored procedures! You've used up my last ounce of mercy toward any J-tard. IF YOU EVEN MENTION ANYTHING JAVA WITHIN AN EARSHOT OF ME, I WILL TAKE YOU OUT BIG-TIME". I throw the leftovers at him and I walk out of the cafeteria. Friggin J-tards.

Peace out...

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